There was a Young Maid from Madras  
Who had a magnificent ass;
    Not rounded and pink,
    As you probably think--
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

There was a young girl who begat
Three brats, by name Nat, Pat, and Tat.
    It was fun in the breeding
    But hell in the feeding,
When she found there was no tit for tat.

There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born.
    And he wouldn't have been
    If his father had seen  
That the end of the rubber was torn.

There was a young lady of Andover,
And the boys used to ask her to hand over
    Her sexual favor,
    Which she did (may God save her!)
For her morals she had no command over.

There was a yound girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
    But Pabst took a chance,
    Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser
                             
I dined with the Dochess of Dyches,
Who said, "God! how my bottom-hole itches!"
    So she passed around switches
    And took down her britches,
And soom her dinner-guests had her in stitches.

There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he ?
    If he found himself nude
    With a gal in the mood,
The question's not woody but could he ?

There was a young lady named Flynn
Who thought fornication a sin,
    But when she was tight
    It seemed quite all right,
So everyone filled her with gin.

There was a young couple named Kelly
Who had to live belly to belly,
    Because once, in their haste,
    They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.

There was a young lady of Dee
Who went down to the river to swim.
    A man in a punt
    Stuck an oar in her eye,
And now she wears glasses, you see.

The wife of a chronic crusader
Took on every man who waylaid her.
    Till the amorous itch
    Of this popular bitch
So annoyed the crusader he spayed her.

A homely old spinster of France,
Who all the men looked a askance,
    Threw her skirt overhead
    And then jumped into bed,
Saying, "Now I've at least half a chance."